The dead-end engulfs
Yes it is a dead end in the very essence of the word. It is dark, pitch dark not a ray of light, no space to be, not a whip of air to breathe, no options left for retreat and I have to go bang on with the wall. I have to, I have to, there is no way out, it ends here, I scream, I yell, my dear ones are no more to be seen with me. What do I do now; my yelling’s have now given way to high-pitched wails. I don’t believe this, how could such a thing happen to me, why me? I cannot escape I have to go through this pain, agony anguish all alone. My mind has stopped functioning, the darkness around has engulfed me completely, it has no images, no colour, no light neither of past nor of future. Is there no escape root? Why have I been thrown in this, in front of this shameless rigid and bolted from behind? What went wrong where was my fault? Who do I look out for help? But what am I actually scared of? What have been snatched away are mere dreams …..No I have been deprived of my right to dream which is more painful, my right to say its painful I am nowhere. Where do I begin from what do I begin with the stern wall mocks at me it is enjoying an undue pleasure as if it had been waiting for this for years with the trap spread. See I have really gone insane there is some malfunctioning some system failure otherwise why would I be blaming a poor non-breathing soul. I again feeling weeping at least this helps my mind to stop thinking because I don’t understand what it is so engrossed in compensating.
Today centuries have passed since I would have seen anyone or anything. I have forgotten what a mirror looks like. I don’t know who I am neither do I want to know. I have world of my own where only I am there, but who is this I? It’s been years and I have been performing some tasks like a dutiful robot, I have lot of work to do and no time to spare. My head is filled with aromatic compounds; kirchoff’s law and I don’t have a minute to spare. Go away from here I don’t have anything to talk about but wait I have just calculated the kinetic energy of a moving bullet and the amount of resistance it faces when in the first case it cuts through a punch bag and finally sinks halfway through a eight inch thick wall. The wall, yes the hallucinating darkness is still there but the only difference now it is incapable of evoking any agitation in me. I give a damn to it, it has no role to play anymore I have shattered its dreams of deriving pleasure out of my helplessness. I have nothing more to say I do what I want I have no feeling for anyone for me each face is just a fake amalgam of expressions, which do not mean anything at all.
There is another sunny morning but this does not symbolize any new beginning, it is just yet another day of suffering. No its okay life is not that worse I am walking a standstill journey; I enjoy it, as they say perform your duty without thinking of its fruitfulness. Do you think this philosophy really works? Whatever is the case the thought relaxes me that we are not supposed to think ahead of which I am unwillingly forbidden. They even say each and everything happens for good’ do you really think so but again a nice thought. These words have made me so passive, they have overcast my so called of what is left of my self. The inner turbulence has been suppressed so much that now it finds its way through blankness on my face. All this span of time I have been trying to explain myself that one should be so strong that nothing could affect you. Thus look what I have done to myself; I have forgotten the art of expression now I am all-powerful, I am extremely happy nothing amuses me any longer. No wave of reaction finds its way to the surface I am overwhelmed by this victory, I am satisfied. at least I have succeeded in something, yes I have tasted victory again, I have defied the dead-end. It is no longer superior to me.
Why am I still self-blabbering the rebel inside me is alive but what for and in which form? Was all this not to make me calmer and quieter in spirit. Then have they gone right in their experimentation? I do not know the answer to this question neither do I care to know but it has certainly showed me the life beneath the horizon, a life which finds its begins from where everything ends.
The tactics that I resorted to for the escape from my pain has seeped deep into my being and till now I has come along as an over powering characteristic even when I am out of the dead end. Yes the dead wall did open up and gave way at last but I never noticed the darkness lightening as you see the spell remains. I am no different from the prisoner azhkhaban who survives but his survival is a question mark for the other livings.
Why do I end at a pessimist note when the dead end dropped me on the right way to my dreams what it changed my complete being what if I don’t love myself anymore, but I am loved by lot and gifted me with an unforgettable experience.
